|Life As I See It by Randy Burns
Mistress Cyan’s World
‘Mistress Cyan’ is one of the sexiest and most intriguing Dominants in the fetish world today. Her legs‚ body‚ look and manner‚ are perfectly beautiful. To spend time with her is a like a secret gift you give to yourself. Once opened‚ you jump with joy.
Randy: How early in life did you begin to feel feminine inside? Do you remember the moment or time period? Please explain how that feeling changed you in the beginning and the stages of femininity you went through.
MISTRESS CYAN: I have always felt “feminine”‚ so I would have to say that it was as far back as I can remember. Even as a small child‚ I felt like a girl… I wanted to be a girl and wished that when I went to bed‚ I would awaken as a girl. Of course‚ that never happened and I was always so disappointed. I was too young to understand‚ or even question why I felt that way. It didn’t seem strange to Me at the time.
It was a few years later‚ when I was about 8 years old‚ that I began to realize what I was all about. I saw a movie called The Christine Jorgenson Story and it scared the hell out of Me! I saw that and said to Myself “Oh my gosh‚ that’s me!” It was a revelation that made Me realize that I was NOT like everyone else‚ but I was not the only person in the world like this either… but I was also old enough to realize that these feelings were not considered “normal”‚ and therefore‚ I would not be considered “normal” by mainstream society as well. It was not something I felt I could tell others.
I must admit to you that it was not easy knowing this and not being able to be who I really was. I suppressed the feminine feelings as much as I could‚ but it wasn’t easy. I had the opportunity to get some female clothing one day when I was at the home of some of My female cousins. They were throwing out clothes because they had outgrown them and asked me to take them to the trash. I agreed and once outside‚ grabbed some of them and hid them in My parents car. Once home I managed to sneak them into My room and would dress whenever I could‚ which was not very often. I would slip into some panties after going to bed and then putting My pajamas back on. I felt content rather than aroused‚ although there were times when I did get aroused by envisioning Myself as a girl. It made Me so very happy.
By the time I was in junior high school‚ I started to go into this deep sense of denial and was bent on proving My masculinity even though I was very thin and feminine looking. I started running Track and playing Baseball. I excelled in each and it reinforced My “maleness”. This continued through high school and college. I played Basketball and ran Track and Cross Country. I was outstanding… I was a starter on the Basketball team and went to The State Finals in Track and Cross Country two years in a row and still hold a number of school records to this day! It was a stressful time of My life. I can remember an incident at an Awards Banquet… The cheerleaders were presenting the Track Team with some awards they had made up prior to the actual awards. I was given the “Best Legs” award and I was so embarrassed… all I could think of is that everyone knew My secret. Later that evening‚ I won a number of trophies including Most Valuable and when I got home‚ the trophies went on the shelf and the “Best Legs” award was thrown in My closet. I hated it in a way. I now know how silly it was to feel that way‚ but those are the kind of things one must deal with in situations like mine.
Through high school and college. however‚ there was the underlying feeling of being a girl. I dated‚ but always wished I were in My dates place‚ wishing I were wearing her dress rather than being the male. I was somewhat fearful of sex because it did not feel natural to Me as a male‚ although I did not feel like I was gay. I did not feel like I was a male attracted to a male. I was attracted to females‚ but it was because I could identify with them. I was virgin until the age of 19 when a secretary at the place I worked part time invited Me to dinner and seduced Me. That built My confidence and I enjoyed the sex‚ but the psychological feelings of being a girl were still there.
Until I started to see a therapist‚ I had been living My whole life in denial. I was successful in everything I did and had everything I could ask for‚ but I was not happy. When I accepted the fact that I was Transsexual‚ it felt like the weight of the world had been taken off My shoulders. The next task was My transition from male to female.
Randy: How young were when you first dressed as a woman? Did you prefer dressing erotically‚ very sexy‚ or in traditional female attire at first? How‚ and what did it do to you on the inside and the outside the first time you got ‘dressed?’ Were you aroused immediately?
MISTRESS CYAN: As I said before‚ I had actually started “dressing” very young‚ but as far as fully dressing as a female and going out‚ it was when I was about 25 years old and I met someone through an ad in The L.A.Weekly- that read “IMATVRU” and knew exactly what that meant. I wrote him and we ended up exchanging phone numbers. We talked and met at a restaurant to get to know each other a little better. We hit it off and started dressing and going to some nightclubs to go dancing. It was great. I had fun and felt like the person I knew I was.
It was very erotic to dress in short skirts and dresses with high heels to go out dancing. Being tall and slender‚ I was very passable and was always asked if I were a model‚ so I could dress very sexy and very provocative as well. Since I was dressing to go to a dance club‚ it was always sexy clothes and I really liked the feel and look‚ which was a turn on for Me. This‚ keep in mind‚ was prior to Me seeing a counselor and I was still living in denial‚ trying to convince Myself that I was simply a cross-dresser.
Randy: Does it still excite you when you dress in something sexy‚ Something new?
MISTRESS CYAN: Oh absolutely! I think all women do… Dressing sexy makes you feel sexy and when you feel sexy‚ you feel good about yourself. I love shopping and I love new clothes. Many of My slaves know that and send Me things to wear‚ and many bring Me outfits when they come to session with Me. I have My sizes and a “Wish List” on My web site just for that reason!
Randy: Did you always have such beautiful legs? Do you choose stockings and heels to intentionally accentuate them?
MISTRESS CYAN: Yes‚ actually I have. I had mentioned before that as a runner in high school‚ the cheerleaders gave Me a “Best Legs” Award that I was embarrassed about them‚ but am thankful for now.
Many have told Me that My legs are one of My outstanding features because they are so long and slender. I always wear outfits that show them off‚ especially when at fetish events or play parties. I rarely wear pantyhose and prefer thigh high stockings and either a garter-belt‚ or I attach them to a corset that I May be wearing. I only wear nice‚ elegant stockings.
And shoes‚ well I always prefer some sexy 4̸’; or 5̸’; heels or boots. They accentuate My long legs. There was a time when I considered NOT wearing them because I am 5’10” and was concerned about looking “too tall”‚ but after receiving so many compliments and hearing other girls tell Me how lucky I was to be tall‚ I got over any insecurity about being “too tall!” I love spike heels‚ as you can probably tell by looking at any photos of Me. I love My 5̸’;stiletto heeled thigh high boots and 5̸’; pumps with an ankle straps. I usually have guys all around Me asking to worship My legs and feet!
Randy: Tell us what it was like for you as a male with long hair and painted nails‚ before you made yourself clear to the people around you.
MISTRESS CYAN: Oh yes‚ you’re referring to the time of My life prior to My full transition… Well‚ My therapist and I had discussed that when a lot of transgender people transition‚ the biggest problem that they face is non-acceptance for those around them. One reason is that one day they are in a three piece suit and the next day they show up in a dress… most people have a hard time adjusting to such a sudden change‚ so it was My intention to “gradually” transition‚ which I did very successfully.
After leaving a job as a Director of Manufacturing for a $3.3 billion corporation‚ I went full time into the Music Business‚ a business I had been in part time for years as a concert promoter and personal manager. I was the publisher of a well known Music and Entertainment Magazine here in Los Angeles‚ so I could be a bit flexible with My appearance. My hair was down to the middle of My back‚ My fingernails were long and usually painted black or dark red and I rarely went out without eyeliner and makeup. Most everyone I dealt with‚ from music executives to club owners‚ assumed that I was just into the “goth” or “glam” scene and didn’t seem to question it.
I started dressing more androgynous and was commonly mistaken for a woman before I was even trying to pass as one and that was really cool. It boosted My self esteem because I knew I was a woman. It’s funny‚ but I thought more people would have an issue with the hair‚ make-up and painted nails‚ but it was never an issue… not even at the grocery store or in a restaurant where all the “normal” people were. I think this was mainly because of My high level of self-esteem and the self-confidence I possessed. I learned that people will react to the way you present yourself. They are more comfortable when you are more comfortable with yourself. If you come across with a lack of confidence‚ they seem to sense that something is “not right “…
Randy: Can you tell us about your first experiences as a female. How strongly were you attracted to men in the beginning? Were your urges to become a complete female beyond self-control? Did you ever try to control your feminine urges in the beginning? If so‚ was that a hard urge for you to control?
MISTRESS CYAN: “What was My first experience as a Female?” Wow‚ that’s a pretty vague question that could probably be answered in a number of ways‚ so I think I better pass on this part and we’ll talk about My attraction to men…To be honest‚ in the beginning the attraction to men was not very strong at all. Remember‚ I was in denial for so long and had conditioned Myself to believe that I was a “normal male” and only attracted to women. But again‚ after coming to terms about who I was and what I was‚ those walls began to come down and the attraction to men started to manifest itself‚ especially after a couple years of hormones. That attraction began to get stronger and I ended up in a beautiful relationship with this guy who cared very much for Me. He really took good care of Me‚ but the relationship ended after about three years. He just had so much baggage that I couldn’t deal with. We broke up‚ but have been able to remain really good friends and he will submit to Me anytime I say‚ so it’s still very good <smile>. I have had a couple of pretty good relationships with guys‚ but there is no way that I am ready to settle down with a guy right now. I am bisexual and I love women too much to limit Myself!
You ask if My urges to become a complete female were beyond self-control? LOL‚ I have NEVER been out of control. Seriously‚ I have always been in control of Myself and My emotion. I am very rational and do not REACT emotionally to anything. I ‘act” on things rather than “react.” Reaction is generally the result of a loss of control. It is something that is usually done without thinking‚ at least that is how I define “reacting.” A Dominant should always be able to maintain control‚ especially over Herself. If She cannot control Herself‚ how can She possibly control Her slave(s)?
So yes‚ I have always been able to control My female urges‚ as well as any other urges that I May have gotten. I am driven by My mind‚ not My emotions and not My sexual organs. I am a very sensual person‚ and I play very sensually in My domination‚ even if I am doing a heavy corporal session‚ there is always an element of sensuality‚ but it is not sexual.
I have always been able to control My sexual urges because I am not driven by those sexual urges. Yes‚ I love sex and am extremely orgasmic‚ but it is‚ by no means‚ an uncontrollable urge. I always have My vibrator to take care of things long before those urges can manifest themselves. LOL!
Randy: Mistress‚ do you ever do overnight sessions with a slave> If so‚ what might such a session entail?
MISTRESS CYAN: Yes I do and they’re so much fun! I have a number of slaves that live outside the Los Angeles area who travel in for business‚ so they will schedule an overnight session. What happens depends on the particular slave’s interest and limits‚ as well as what days they are visiting. If‚ for example‚ it is on a weekend‚ I will have them arrive at a designated time and I will do a session with them‚ that is then followed by some cleanup duties for My weekly play party. From there‚ we will go to dinner and we will return for the play party where they will submit to Me and possibly some of My Domme friends. The party ends‚ I will usually do another one-on-one session before putting the slave in the cage in My dungeon or on the Bondage Table for the night. The next morning I send him out to get us breakfast and then another one-on-one session before I allow him to leave. However‚ there is never any sex on My overnight sessions
If it is a weekday‚ I May have the slave escort Me to a Fetish Club or shopping instead of the play party. I also love taking cross-dressers out to some of the gender-friendly nightclubs here in Los Angeles. If anyone is interested in an overnight session‚ they can check out My website at www.MistressCyan.com and email Me at MistresCyan@yahoo.co
Randy: Speaking of your website Mistress‚ it’s pretty extensive. Do you have any plans for anything special in the near future?
MISTRESS CYAN: Yes‚ I will soon be adding some really hot Guest Galleries from some of the Top Mistresses and Fetish Models from all over the country‚ and maybe from the world. I was recently interviewed by OWK and am looking to do more with them. I am also going to be adding a lot of new things into My catalog as well as a lot of resource links for the BDSM Lifestyle. And‚ of course‚ always new photo sets!
I just shot a great video over at Mistress Katja Minx’s Dungeon last week that came out awesome! As soon as I get the master from the producer‚ I will post some video captures and some stills on the site and offer the video at a special price through My website. Lots of discipline with paddles‚ floggers‚ single-tails and My Violet Wand. It ends with a great strap-on scene that got everyone totally excited at the shoot.
Randy: I know you were recently in Las Vegas and New York where You were a Guest of BondCon. Do you travel much and do you have any travels plans You can tell us about?
MISTRESS CYAN: I LOVE to travel and do so whenever My schedule permits. I am usually kept pretty busy here in Los Angeles. In addition to My sessions‚ I am busy on five of My own websites and am the exclusive content provider for 10 other sites‚ so it is a little difficult to travel as much as I would like to <smiles>.
I have been invited as a Special Guest and am planning on attending the DomDominion Convention in San Francisco during the end of May and beginning of June. It is an eight-day convention that includes panel discussions‚ demos‚ night club outings‚ a Fetish Ball and play parties… all things I like! I will also be available for sessions during that time‚ so for all of you in San Francisco‚ or May be visiting at that time‚ email Me and we will set something up. I May be visiting Las Vegas again soon to do a Flogging and Single-tail Demo for a few groups there.
I am also looking at a trip to Phoenix soon as I was invited by Mistress Porshe Lynn to do some sessions in Her Dungeon‚ The Den of Inequity. I am also hoping to make it back to New York and Philadelphia later this summer‚ or early fall. I want to go before the snow hits… being a Southern California girl I’m not too wild about snowstorms and blizzards LOL!
I have a page on My website where I list Travel Plans and Events that people can check out if they are interested in where I’ll be. Also‚ I will travel if a slave is willing to cover My travel expenses. Your readers can contact Me if that might be something of interest to them.
Randy: Mistress‚ I understand that You are also a pretty well known Bondage and Fetish Model. Would You like to comment on that? Do You still yearn to be submissive?
MISTRESS CYAN: No‚ I do not yearn to be submissive‚ not at all! I love Bondage and Fetish and have been doing Bondage and Fetish Modeling for a number of years as Katie Michelles. For the past couple of years now‚ I have been a Semi-Finalist as Best Bondage Model and Best Bondage Rigger in the Signy Bondage Awards. I’m proud of that. From what I’ve been told‚ I was the first Transgender Bondage and Fetish Model to go that far in the awards.
Being a semi-finalist as Best Bondage Rigger is definitely more in the Domme Direction. I love doing nice symmetrical bondage‚ that is restrictive and the submissive cannot escape. I can do it in such a safe manner that the submissive can squirm and struggle and still not get out‚ and the ropes will not tighten or loosen. As a matter of fact‚ some of the Bondage sluts that come to Me love it and I tell them if they can get out‚ I will return their donation… so far‚ I have not had to return anything to anyone LOL!
Readers‚ please‚ do yourself a favor and visit Mistress Cyan the very first chance you get. I can guarantee that you’ll enjoy it so much more than you can imagine. Go to her site now and email her- www.MistressCyan.com
Until next time – goodnight lovers. RB.